I am lonely, I have been urinating since I was a child.

I long for selfless family affection, sincere friendship, and unswerving love until death. Often, reality is your mortal enemy. I can't feel that indescribable maternal love, nor do I leave a tear for my mother, even when she is hurt.

I don’t have friends who have heart-to-heart relationships, and some of them are past tense. As for love, I still remember her, and I don’t know if she forgot me.

I graduated from junior high school in 2009 and planned to go to my mother to work as soon as I graduated. I really didn't want to stay at the home that made me sad.

I failed to get my wish, I couldn't find my ID card, and my grandparents couldn't bear to leave, and even if I left, I would go out after the New Year.

My grandma cried several times because of this. Grandma is my closest person and the one who makes me feel guilty.

When I was a child, my grandfather took care of me very seriously. If I accidentally caused trouble, I would beat me with a bamboo stick. My grandmother would come over and hug me at this time.

When I was in school, my living expenses were fixed every week, but I was not satisfied with asking my grandma for it. On the surface, she said she would not give it to me, but in the end she gave me the money hidden under the bed.

Once, my grandfather found out, and I was beaten when I caught me. I cried bitterly, and my grandmother protected me. But this time my grandfather was not ruthless and beat my grandmother. When my grandmother saw that my grandfather was really angry, she came forward and hugged my grandfather and told me to run away quickly.

My grandfather beat me up even though I didn’t get the money. At that time, I hated my grandfather very much. Finally, my grandmother chased me out and stuffed the money to me.

I know that my grandma couldn't bear to leave, but she hid her ID card. I didn't say it out loud, so I could do it again, but it took several months to get it, and it took almost the Chinese New Year to get it.

In the end, I left, and before the Chinese New Year, I finally left the home that made me sad, and from then on, the sky was high and the birds could fly.

I still remember the feeling of helplessness when my grandmother watched me leave. I only understand the feeling of helplessness now.

In 2010, I bought a mobile phone with my monthly salary and a special price of 499, so I came into contact with e-books.

The first novel I read was called Zhu Xian, and I read it all night long. In the world of novels, I found that I was alive, and I would treat myself as the protagonist and hire me at will in the fantasy world.

I am lonely, and I have been urinating since I was a child. I still remember the cold alley behind my aunt's house.

That year, I was eight years old. After being said a few words by my aunt, I missed my grandparents. I sat alone in the alley, holding cold and hard stones in my two little hands, with my eyes dull.

At that time, I longed for the warm embrace of my grandparents, but no one gave it to me, only the cold stones that never left me.

Looking back now, I have tears in my eyes and I have no hatred in my heart. I understand it, but I can't let go.

This is also one of the reasons why I have only been back twice in nearly ten years.

I had never left e-books from 2010 to 2011. At that time, there were no QQ reading software, so I went to the store where I repaired my phone to download it, or browsed it directly on the web page.

I read too much and had higher requirements. Low-quality novels can no longer meet my spiritual needs. I began to pay attention to writing masters such as Tang Jia San Shao and Chen Dong.

In 2013, I began to try writing and construct my own world because the great gods could not satisfy me anymore.

I failed. I wrote about 300,000 words in half a year, wrote it on a tablet computer, and then went to an Internet cafe to publish it.

14, 15, and 16 years have been my confusion period. I have not yet come out of the shadow of failure. I dare not write anymore. I am afraid of failure again.

Until the end of last year, I suddenly realized that I could not forget the novel. I wanted to write it myself. I began to conceive it in my mind. At that time, I was full of confidence and felt that I would definitely succeed this time.

At the beginning of this year, I bought a dictionary, pen and notebook, and started typing on my phone, using a writer's assistant.

First, I wrote about Zhou Yuan’s road traces, and I thought it was good. So I started writing about Zhuxin Continent. I wrote 50,000 words and stopped.

I found that although my writing was smooth, I had no sense of picture. There were too many repetitive words that I couldn't even read.

I was very sad at that time. Could it be that I just let it go? Can't I succeed in my life?

I am too determined to win. I want to make money by writing novels but not at work. The ending is very miserable. What about now? After calming down, I found out.

From the beginning, I was wrong and forgot my original intention. I read novels because of loneliness! Not for success, not for money.

I want to find selfless family affection, sincere friendship, and unswerving love in the world of novels.

This is what I want and what I should pursue.

That's why I wrote this book, which may be more like a diary, recording my daily mood.

2018.3.25. At 7:47 pm, Zhongshan was cloudy.

(End of this chapter)
Chapter completed!