A different existence

Chapter 1

My longing for certain things or some people is like a rhinitis I suffered from since childhood. It seems to be dormant between my eyebrows on weekdays, but it always pops up inadvertently to remind you that it will be with you for life and cannot be cured.

1

After He Ying came back from college, he went to the vehicle management office to work according to his father's wishes. He was used to the most insensitive things in the agency, and gradually he seemed a little insensitive. He could no longer feel the mood of shouting in the spring breeze on the playground when he was studying. Therefore, in the city, he no longer felt anything more surprising about the vulgar things caused by the traffic flow.

But these days are a little different.

The reason why I feel different is that a sister I met in a hair salon died in a car accident not long ago. The place where the accident happened was on the corner of the street where he lived. That day, she had just finished her studies with her boyfriend's encouragement and was admitted to a medical college in Wuhan, preparing to go out to celebrate. He Ying was always moved by the story between her and her boyfriend, and always thought that this modern version of the rescue of Yanchen was specially staged by God for people like him who had been out of love for a long time. But unexpectedly, the Yanchen girl who had been rid of the smoke and dust finally became involved in death, and her death was so simple and without drama.

Not long after, a colleague of mother He's cancer, after fighting against God for a few years, she finally got tired and was unwilling to bear the countless tubes inserted into her body and the endless medical expenses to be reimbursed. On an ordinary night, she left her gray-haired husband and an unadulterated woman and left.

He Ying had a headache by these two things. Unexpectedly, when he was at work, a friend from another place called and said that the dog she left at home was about to die, and asked him to take it to the veterinarian quickly. Just as He Ying was sitting in the office holding a microphone and was stunned for the cute and disgusting puppy, the yard suddenly became noisy, and even the leader who had always been more numb than him showed a hint of excitement on his face. He asked what happened, and someone told him that the fog was foggy in the morning, and a car was overturned on the mountain road, and more than 30 people died. At this time, the car was caught and went to the inspection line to send the inspection.

He Ying walked to the door and saw a crane driving in with a bus that had been burned into black charcoal. The ball of black charcoal shining in the sun, emitting black light, which made him almost unable to open his eyes. He was surprised and asked the leader that the car was burned like this, what if he checked?

After all, the leader is a leader, and he is far better than him. He calmly said that he must be examined even if he is not. In short, we must pass this level, and we must give an explanation to the dead!

He Ying thought what explanation could be made for this? But immediately realized that after thirty people died, they still had to give an explanation.

Explanation is a task that must be completed at the end of life?

He asked for leave from the leader. To be precise, he informed the leader, then took a ride and ran back to the city, and began to sit by the lake in the children's park in a daze. He looked at the bustling crowds brought about by the implementation of free entry, and was amused as the crowd littered and vented his extra energy in the way of sitting on a thin pony running circle to prove the vitality of life.

These days, his life is full of too many deaths, and due to some reasons in his nose, he often goes to and from the hospital when he is young, so he is easily interested in the fragility of life, and naturally he will inevitably develop a lot of fear of death.

In fact, he had sinusitis, which was just a minor illness. The doctor in the hospital even said that nine out of ten Chinese people had rhinitis, but most people didn't know until they died. But He Ying was afraid of death since he was a child, especially when sinusitis occurred, the eyebrows seemed to carry the unbearable weight of life, and they were always having a splitting headache. They would inevitably think of death more often. Thinking about the moment before death, their hearts must be empty. He was very afraid of that feeling.

After thinking too much, he naturally had to consider what kind of death method could weaken this fear to the greatest extent, but he never thought of a good method. He once thought that being able to hold the hand of the person closest to him might be a good choice. But later he found that his mother's hand was left for his father to hold, his sister's hand was left for his brother-in-law, and Matsu Takako's hand was left for Kimura to hold. In this vast world, there was no pair of hands specifically for him to hold.

Yes, God has not stipulated that everyone will have a pair of hands that are in their own palms.

He flattened his mouth and began to laugh at his own pathology. Suddenly he remembered that in the second year of junior high school, his nose

When Dou Yan was in pain, he once asked a very close female classmate about this question. At that time, she transferred the short hair on her forehead and opened her eyes widened and said, "Life is good, why do you want to die?"

She later said, if there is really no pair of hands left for you, then I will give you a friendly sponsorship.

After saying that, he smiled, and was extremely bright. Then he placed his hand between He Ying's eyebrows and rubbed it gently, as if he wanted to wipe the clouds from his eyebrows.

He Ying didn't know why she remembered the female classmate from many years ago by the lake in the Children's Park. In fact, she didn't remember many things about her very clearly, or it should be said that she shouldn't know now, including her appearance, her temperament, and her preferences.

But he remembered that he and the committee had been best friends since kindergarten. It was just that many years later, in my memory, the only remaining fragments about her were just that she was curious about why everyone was peeing differently when she was taking a nap in kindergarten. She also grabbed his hair and bit her fingers when she was in elementary school, and then when she was in junior high school, she pulled He Ying and pointed to the bra strap behind the senior girl in front of her and laughed.

He Ying, who was in junior high school, actually didn't know how funny the vague belts were. By the time he understood, he was already in high school. After graduating from junior high school, the committee member moved to Tianjin with his family, a very distant city.

2

When he returned home, He Ying told his parents that he wanted to go out for a trip. They seemed surprised, but they didn't ask too much, just asked where he was going.

He said he hadn't thought about it yet. Then he called the students scattered all over the country to see which one was not married and could provide accommodation for a period of time. After making a few calls, no one answered, he was a little discouraged and didn't want to go out again. At this moment, the phone was called, and Zhang Guo was on the other end of the phone. He said he was getting married soon and asked He Ying what was wrong.

He Ying thought that since he was about to enter the city, his thoughts naturally failed. He smiled and said nothing was wrong, but he hadn't contacted him for a long time, so he called and greeted him. Zhang Guo was a little surprised and said thank you happily, and then he said that he was going to take his wife to Hangzhou for foreign affairs for half a year. So He Ying said happily, "Is that right?" Then I'm going to quit and plan to go out for a while and have a break."

So Zhang Guo enthusiastically invited He Ying to his place. He said that the local customs are simple and the prices are reasonable, and his house has paid a year in advance, so it would be a pity that no one lives in it.

He Ying was very happy and said that she would do it like this and she would arrive in three days.

My niece took out a note from under He Ying's bed and took out a photo from the notes.

The niece asked him maliciously: "Who is this girl?"

He was a little surprised at her discovery. When he took it, he saw that on the yellow picture, a little girl with short hair was squatting by a lake. The color of the whole photo was green. The little girl was wearing a dark blue sweater and her hair was combed neatly, but there seemed to be wind by the lakeside at that time, and the horns were slightly messed up.

He Ying looked at the little girl in the photo carefully and felt that her expression was so familiar, as if she had always been by her side.

For some reason, the look at the little girl made him feel very peaceful.

The niece pulled his clothes and asked, "Is it your first love?"

He laughed in silence and reminded her that the little girl in the photo was only about fourteen or fifteen years old.

She was a little disappointed and asked, "Who is that?"

He picked up the photo and looked at the girl in the photo.

I saw the girl in the photo with endless smiles. He Ying thought with her face sideways for a while and thought to herself, what was she laughing at? Seeing her looking at me, I was afraid she was laughing at me? I just don’t know if she was laughing at me who was purely stupid back then or me who was dull now?

He Ying smiled and said, "This is my best friend before. Her name is Liu Xiaowei, and I call her husband because I have never seen her wronged and wronged. She called me Shadow, maybe because when we were young, we were like each other's shadow." He looked at the photo again, as if these words were just like Liu Xiaowei in the photo.

This was sent to He Ying by the commission when she first entered high school. She had already arrived in Tianjin. This was also the last time He Ying contacted her.

He Ying suddenly remembered many things when she was with the committee committee when she was a child.

He Ying even remembered her, and there was another familiar girl, all in Tianjin.

In this way, over the years, He Ying once again tasted the feeling of missing someone. But this longing was a bit inexplicable, because He Ying didn't know whether she should miss a little girl who had not grown up or because she needed to miss her, who might have grown into a beautiful woman.

But He Ying understood something that night, that is, missing is definitely not a very interesting thing as the book says.

That night, He Ying hugged on the bed, coughing desperately, and coughing her body into a large shrimp.

3

He Ying sat on the train heading north, looking at the tired passengers around him, and felt that he had become tired. For some reason, his body was always easy to feel tired these days.

So He Ying turned his head and looked out the window, watching the rapeseed flowers on both sides of the railway tracks paint the whole world monotonous golden yellow, and looking at the little rural boy with naked body flashing in the pond under the roadbed, watching the sunlight passing through the trees sprinkle on himself like raindrops, He Ying once again felt that life was really beautiful, and there was no need to argue whether it was explained or not. This beauty is like the air surrounding us. Maybe it can be forgotten for a moment, but never think that they really don’t exist.

The next seat on the train was a little boy who went to Tangshan to see netizens, and opposite was a Sichuan couple who went to Beijing to work. Although everyone was on the same train, they seemed to have some clear purpose. Only He Ying seemed to take this train to a place, which was that simple.

He Ying didn't know why he wanted to go to Tianjin, why he wanted to leave, and what he wanted to do. He just knew very clearly that he wanted to go out for a walk, no matter where he was. In addition, Tianjin is said to be an extremely beautiful city, and girls usually call him brother when they call him gay men.

Since the train was on the train more than Li Ka-shing's money, He Ying took out the photo of the committee committee and smiled at her, who was still childish.

When she was a child, the committee committee member was always very arrogant, always with handsome short hair, and her beautiful eyebrows seemed to be synonymous with her. She liked to climb trees and sang songs that the teacher didn't teach, such as the song "I'll see you, but I won't see you..." sang 28 times in a row. She also liked to bully male classmates, mainly to bully He Ying. Adults always liked to call her little leopard intimately. Children always liked to call her Japanese, mainly because children always thought that they were Japanese, entering the village when they saw her.

Since her mother and He Ying's mother were colleagues in an elementary school, they naturally became good friends in kindergarten. The advantage of being good friends with her is that no one dared to bully He Ying in school, because in those dangerous moments, she would always pull He Ying back like a hen protecting her chicks, rush up to the boys viciously, and then bruised and swollen, but she still came back proudly. Strangely, her mother never taught her a lesson for such things, but she always happily told her to take care of He Ying.

Since she never gave He Ying the chance to take care of herself, He Ying had to abide by her care. But there is one biggest disadvantage to being good friends with her, that is, she never let He Ying be bullied by others, but she always let He Ying be bullied by her.

She likes to secretly stuff lunch boxes that she hadn't washed for two days into He Ying's desk, and then naturally take He Ying's lunch boxes to eat, so as to get him to wash the lunch boxes for her. At that time, they had no classes on Thursday afternoon, so she liked to pull him to the riverside or dig mud on the Nanhu Lake. She often went back until the sun sets, and was often caught under the joint pursuit of the two mothers. At this time, she would always pretend to be pitiful and said:

"Actually, I... well... I've wanted to leave long ago, but Shadow always refuses!"

Since she was in charge of the dredging and He Ying was a hard worker, his body was always dirty, so this became evidence of guilt. So every Friday morning, He Ying would cover her butt to go to school, and she would wait for him on the roadside early in the morning, covering her mouth and laughing.

Then she would say sympathetically, or threateningly, “Shadow, this time it is good, continue next time, remember?”

Her biggest hobby when she was a child was to pull He Ying around, and He Ying's biggest hobby at that time was to make her neatly combed her hair messed up with her hands. She was actually very disgusted with other children touching her, but He Ying was an exception.

She is also very strong, especially in front of He Ying. She didn't allow him to jump higher than her, run faster than her, play better than her on the table tennis ball, and when she went down the stairs, she always had to rush in front of him. For some reason, He Ying, who was still a little boy at that time, was willing to abide by these non-existent rules.

Maybe this is because he broke it once occasionally without paying attention and ended up miserably.

It was a small test, and there was a fill-in-the-blank question that should be filled in the number greater than or equal to the number. He Ying deliberately missed the number equal to the number, so he deducted half of the point. Unexpectedly, she filled in the number less than or equal to the number, and the teacher deducted her one point. In this way, He Ying scored half of her points. After the results came out, she grabbed his red scarf and pushed it to the back of the classroom, asking him why he had more than half a point than her. The children in the class were probably used to this kind of scene, so no one came to save the poor little boy.

He Ying stumbled and said, "It was given by the teacher, how do I know?"

"You missed half of it, and I was wrong half, why should I deduct half of it?"

The little girl's fierce look made He Ying believe that if it weren't for the math teacher in their class who was her mother, she would have rushed into the office with a fruit knife and took the half cent back. So He Ying had to buy a packet of instant noodles as compensation, although there would definitely be no mental compensation at that time.

Fortunately, not many such things happened. She has always been the best-scoring person in the class, so He Ying had to be the second person in the world honestly.

The Sichuan couple on the opposite side cut a cantaloupe and handed it to He Ying enthusiastically. The little boy who went to see the netizens looked at him contemptuously and waved his hand. He Ying took it with a smile on his face, thanked him repeatedly, and ate it sweetly. The couple nodded to him with a smile, and he nodded, but because he had nothing to say, he began to recall it again.

If He Ying had just suffered a lot of flesh and blood because of the commission, then that would be fine. But the problem is that she always likes to call him out to play after dinner.

And they usually don’t go to any good places. They usually go to the Thousand People Monument to light candles, or go to Xiaonan Lake to slap flashlights. I remember one time, two people pulled and pulled to the lakeside. The committee member shone a bunch of floating objects on the lake with a flashlight and asked him mysteriously: “Do you know what that is?”

He Ying grabbed her clothes nervously and said, "What is it?"

She turned around quietly, shined her face from bottom to top, and said word by word: "That's a bitter child's fat man."

Shui Dapang is the body of a drowned person we call it.

He Ying was frightened by the flashlight, who seemed extremely sinister and fled in panic, and since then he became afraid of water, so that until now, everyone knows that he is still a landslide.

But to be honest, when I was a child, my two children were really good friends. They all liked to take them to school and then hid in the gloomy and dilapidated church in front of the school to eat them together.

They even bought two chicks and put them in the deep grass in the church, grabbing some rice from home every day to feed them. The work lasted for more than a week, but just when the two children thought they could raise a chicken couple, the chicks disappeared. She cried for a long time, and He Ying sighed with her for a long time. She said that she would never eat chicken again, so the little boy responded to her call righteously.

It was a coincidence that she ate chicken at home that night. He Ying swallowed her saliva, digged a bowl of rice, rushed out in her mother's surprise eyes, and went to the committee member's house to play with her.

What's more coincidental is that as soon as he entered the committee's house, he smelled a very fragrant smell of roast chicken. When the committee's mother saw it, she quickly pulled a stool and shouted to eat something more. He refused righteously, and then found that the committee's mother was holding a chicken leg in her hand and looked at him embarrassedly.

He Ying thought proudly that she must be a very gentlemanly person. This can be seen from her childhood behavior. For example, between him and the committee member, he is always strict with himself and lenient with her.

Thinking of that night, the little girl was sitting at the dining table holding a chicken leg, very awkward and funny, he couldn't help but chuckle out loud. But he found that the Sichuan couple opposite him didn't know why he was laughing, and laughed helplessly with him. The little boy who went to see the netizens felt that these vulgar people were abnormal, and gave He Ying a look of almost contempt, stuffed the Walkman's headphones into his ears, and went there elegantly.

Then He Ying remembered many things when she was a child, but what he really remembered most clearly was that one Thursday afternoon, that afternoon, the sun was shining.

The two children hid secretly in the church and waited until everyone had left before they escaped.

Then in the empty campus, except for the sound of the wind blowing on the forest, only the laughter, chasing and noise of the two children could be heard.

They climbed from the first floor of the teaching building to the sixth floor, from the east to the west, and ran with all their strength. They shouted in the loudest voice, as if they were just to prove that this school belonged to them at this time, and only to them.

After being tired of playing, for some reason, the committee member began to take He Ying to clean the classroom of his class. They sprinkled water hard in the classroom, making their bodies wet. Then they began to imitate their mothers and teach on the podium.

After playing for a while, she started playing again. She jumped onto the table and stopped him from moving forward. He hugged her and pressed her head against her belly. She couldn't resist it, and laughed and told him to let go.
To be continued...