"No, no, stop, stop!" I shouted nervously to the half-naked Indian girl.

The Indian girl seemed a little surprised and looked at me with a puzzled look. Then she seemed to have remembered something and started to become a little scared.

Damn it, she doesn’t think I’m a pervert, right?

"Out! out!" I made it clear what I meant with the few words I knew, and then pushed the girl out. Damn, I almost lost my integrity. If I hadn't been more principled, I would have sacrificed my virginity.

To people outside the motherland.

The sound of Ah San's breathing came from the next door. It sounded strange and depressing. I thought of the plot of the Taiwanese movie "Monga" I watched before. Here is a naked sex trade, and over there is a man and woman talking about life.

Let’s talk about ideals. As the saying goes, you can’t pretend to be pure when you come to a brothel, but my friend didn’t do it on purpose this time.

I tried to sit in the middle of the room so that the sound was smaller, but the sounds coming from all directions made me think of certain scenes unconsciously. Damn it, why am I suffering like this? I might as well go back to the hotel and sleep peacefully.

Just a nap.

So I stood up, opened the door and left, but was frightened by the scene in front of me. Women who had lost their feet were all standing at my door one after another. The middle-aged woman in front of me was chattering to me. Maybe they thought I was not good enough.

I was satisfied with the girl before, and changed a few more for me, right? Damn it, am I too pure or are they too evil? I ignored the woman because even if I said something, she couldn't understand. So I simply

He carved a path through the crowd, ran out dejectedly, called a car and went back.

If there is really any peace of mind, I still really admire myself. After all, there are not too many people like me now. Most of them either have physical problems or mental problems. I just hope that I don’t have physical problems.

It’s okay to ask any questions, otherwise it will be a shadow for the rest of your life.

Soon I returned to the hotel, took a hot shower, and lay directly on the bed. However, I tossed and turned on the bed and couldn't fall asleep. I accidentally fantasized about some scenes. I felt a little warm all over. It seemed that

There was something like a little flame beating inside, and it seemed that he was still somewhat horny.

Just like when a friend called me at the beginning of the year to tell me the good news, he said that he had been a virgin for twenty-five years, and finally this year, it became twenty-six years. Maybe it was just a joke, but there was some unexplainable sadness in it.

, it seems that there is still a desire in my heart. Although I am a little embarrassed, it at least proves that I am still a normal man, but I am just more principled, right?

I called downstairs and ordered a few bottles of cold beer, and then drank them quickly. I extinguished the heat in my heart before it became a fire. Xiao Ai, you can bear it.

You don’t have to appear in the scene, do you really not care that I am willing to degenerate? Or, do you not care about me at all?

I gritted my teeth. This feeling was not good, and it even made me forget the lust I had just felt. Under the stimulation of alcohol, I began to feel that I had a very scary psychology. Xiao Ai didn't care about me because it was not possible after all.

It will endanger my life. Maybe she will appear when my life is really at stake. So do I really dare to take such a gamble? If I win, I will see Xiao Ai who I have missed for a long time. If I lose, the big deal is Xiao Ai.

I don't care about my life, and the days ahead will not be easy anyway.

But now I am still very hesitant, how should I do all this? I wandered out of the hotel, found a Chinese restaurant on the street, and ordered some beer and side dishes. The boss saw that I was a little drunk.

, kindly advised me to drink less, I smiled and still insisted on my own request. Naturally, no boss would be stupid enough to refuse to do the business that came to his door, so I started to drink by myself again.

The long-lost Chinese food made me feel like home, but the oil here was obviously not authentic and not fragrant. Although the wine was average, at least it was not fake or confusing. I drank a few more bottles. For white wine, three liang is the best.

Wine, five ounces is water. Drinking too much is the same. But beer is different. Drinking too much will still make your stomach bloated, especially after going to the toilet for the first time. It will become more frequent. I have gone back and forth seven or eight times.

When the restroom was closed, the boss was also confused as to whether he was drinking alcohol or engaging in a cycle.

After finishing my drink and paying the bill, I wandered off to a nearby park alone to relieve my drunkenness. It wasn’t too much to drink at the moment, and I was still sober. I knew I would definitely vomit if I went back. I was looking around.

Walking around, digesting and absorbing, and going to the toilet a few times, it must feel good to go back to sleep. This is the experience and lesson I have learned from drinking for many years.

I don’t know who said this, every man who cries after drinking alcohol will always have an untellable story in his heart. Although I don’t have a story, I actually shed a line of tears at this moment. I can’t understand, this

What kind of crying is it? Is it because I miss you too much? Xiao Ai has been so deeply engraved in my heart that we haven't even had a good communication, we just experienced life and death together.

Why? I feel more that these tears come from fear. I'm afraid that all this is self-inflicted. I'm afraid that Xiao Ai has known about my changes. I am no longer the stupid, stupid man. At least, my hands

It was already stained with blood. I tried not to shed any more tears, but I couldn't help but shed more tears. Xiao Ai, Xiao Ai, at this moment, I just kept thinking about this name.

In the past, I didn’t understand what love at first sight meant, I just thought it was similar to love at first sight. But from the moment I saw Xiao Ai, I felt that she was the girl I liked. Maoer Qianrang and Xiao Ai’s

Arrangement, we still had a relationship, but this relationship disappeared without a trace before it had time to start. It was not until the phone call Xiao Ai made later that I ignited hope again, but before the hope started, it disappeared without a trace.

It is already on the verge of destruction.

The cold air was blowing around me at night. Although the temperature was only about ten degrees, under the influence of alcohol, I didn't feel cold at all. I took a deep breath and felt the alcohol rising. My consciousness was still clear, but my eyes seemed to be in a trance.

Very powerful.

I'm not drunk, I just think that the anesthesia of alcohol will make me think about the problems around me better, but most people forget the problems they want to think about before they wake up. Use more

An unreasonable way to show your inner loneliness and helplessness.

I walked slowly to the pool in the park and looked at the blue waves in the distance, blown by the night wind, lapping the shore clearly. The sky in New Delhi seems to be much clearer than that in Beijing, and you can see a lot in the sky.

The stars are twinkling, like a blinking baby, admiring everything about this world. They don't know that everyone will have some sorrow, a care, a trace of reluctance, and a little sadness in their hearts.

Maybe I care too much about Xiao Ai's existence. I tried hard to appear cold to others. On the one hand, I wanted to pretend to protect Xiao Ai, and on the other hand, I wanted to prove that I would not be trapped by love, but it was very difficult. Obviously, the more desperately you try to suppress this kind of thought, the more people will feel hesitant and helpless after it breaks out.

I sighed deeply. In this world, apart from my mother, it seems that only Xiao Ai is worthy of my nostalgia. There are still too many tests waiting for me in the future, and the people in Xiao Ai's organization will also face them one after another. Come and design a trap for me. I have tried my best to stay away from my friends and enjoy the pleasure of loneliness alone. Only Xiao Ai can accompany me to continue walking. If Xiao Ai never appears again, if Xiao Ai chooses to stay away from me, then Will I have enough courage to face everything that will happen in the future? I don't even dare to imagine this because I have no confidence.

Xiao Ai, can you stand up and tell me clearly what are you thinking or what difficulties do you have. I can accept it and understand it. Just don't do this and let me guess aimlessly. All this makes me sad. I'm so tired, in so much pain, I've really had enough, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

Are you going to let me have such a heart floating alone forever? What will you promise? How to compensate? Although I do this with no regrets, but after all, it is to gain rather than lose. I don’t know what to do. How to describe it.

As late at night came, the number of people in the park gradually decreased, and I was the only one sighing by the lake. Maybe, I should choose an extreme method, if Xiao Ai was beside me. I watched The lake in front of me seems to have been specially prepared for me. I can't swim. As long as the water is deep enough, it won't be too difficult for me to take away my life.

So, I jumped into the pond without thinking about it. I didn’t know what it felt like to slip and fall into the water. I often watch TV dramas, always tossing back and forth, which only leads to excessive physical exertion and people sinking in a daze. I went down. I just quietly curled up into a ball, slowly sank to the bottom of the water, and looked at the surrounding environment, even though it was dark.

My eyes seemed to be badly pricked and I couldn't see late at night, and my ears also had a feeling of congestion. It was probably a subconscious existence. I didn't choke on the water and kept holding my breath. The surroundings were extremely quiet, and there seemed to be a kind of paradise. It feels like, although I haven’t been there, it’s probably like this.

I don’t know how long I can hold on like this. Probably from the moment I started choking on water, my life was about to die. Faintly, I began to feel a suffocation in my chest. It was so swollen that it seemed to be slowly about to explode. generally.

Time seemed to be running out, and a smile appeared on the corner of my mouth, which probably meant I had explained something to myself.
Chapter completed!