On May 30, 2016, a sandstorm.

It's nine o'clock now, nine o'clock in the evening. I just gave me a piece of cake in summer and said it was a midnight snack. It was written with cream on it and said 'Happy Birthday'.

Then I realized, oh, today is my birthday.

In fact, when I was writing my diary yesterday, I still remembered that I was thinking about what to write in my diary today, but today I held a meeting in the city for a day and rushed back against a sandstorm. I was so tired that I forgot everything.

My memory is getting worse and worse, and I don’t know why. When I first discovered this problem, I just couldn’t remember what happened about a week ago. Now sometimes I may not even remember what I just finished.

I'm sleeping less and less. Recently, I have been sleeping less than four hours a day on average, which corresponds to nearly twenty hours of super intense workload. I have forgotten how I persevered, and this memory has inexplicably disappeared out of thin air.

A lot of things have happened this year, but I can't remember it any more. The most direct and obvious result is that I have fulfilled the promise I made. In this year, Xinsheng Group has become China's second largest breeding company, only one step away from reaching the top. The group's valuation exceeds 6 billion yuan, and I think I should have earned 1 billion US dollars.

When I realized this result, I was very excited. My first thought at that time was that I could finally find you. I wanted to let you know how outstanding I am, and then openly and naturally, snatch you up. I thought this in my heart. I thought this way three years ago, and then I did all this, but when I really did it, I suddenly realized that I was not as happy as I thought.

Although I don’t want to admit it, I now realize the problem. Being better than Lee Seung-ki can no longer make me feel fulfilled. I was chasing him three years ago, I had already chasing him two years ago, I had surpassed him a lot a year ago, and now he can’t see my shadow. In this situation, what else do I need to compare with him?

Suddenly I realized that I had done something very stupid. Since I had surpassed him a lot a year ago, why did I delay this year? What was I thinking at that time?

I wanted to leave immediately, but as soon as this thought arose, I subconsciously denied it.

I suddenly realized that I was scared, and this feeling made me panic.

I am still afraid that if I leave, the group will collapse. Now I still need to do many things. If I leave, no one can replace this position. On the other hand, I am also worried that you will reject it. In that way, what I have done over the years will become useless and will be ridiculous like a fool, although I may have been.

These two things have tormented me so I have often suffered from insomnia recently. When I have insomnia, I can't control myself. I will continue to think about these things. My brain was split in half. Half is planning a pattern that allows me to run on my own after I leave this group, and the other half is thinking about you, and I have thought about the things I have done for the past few years.

I keep simulating the situation where you may encounter you, simulate every detail, and even thinking about what the first sentence says, should I take my left foot or right foot first, what if you refuse me, will you be sincere if you promise me?

Like a stranger you just met? This plot of love at first sight seems not reliable. Although I fell in love with you at first sight, I really don’t have any confidence that such a small probability of an event will happen again.

How do I meet you, where is the location, and how do I introduce myself, a student, a doctor, a teacher, or a chairman of a group?

Should I design some plots, just like the heroes played in TV series to save beauty, or like the tiger bodies written in novels, and how they were shocked?

My mind was filled with these things, blocked, and my thinking began to become abnormal. I suddenly realized that there were too many variables in seeing you, and I was completely unable to grasp every detail, so the possibility of failure was infinitely magnified. At the same time, I also realized that in the face of this situation, everything I have not helped. In other words, I really seemed to be doing useless work in the past three years.

I was upset, anxious, irritable, and even began to become neurotic. But this problem was like a dead knot and I was unable to untie it.

I am like a person tied up with a rope. Although I am very strong, I can't break free.

Sometimes I think, what I have done over the years, what I am doing now, what is the meaning of what I do. I have made a lot of money and I am complacent in my heart. I am better than him and he is not my opponent. But the fact is, you are still his girlfriend, and even when you are asked about marriage in an interview, you will still smile by default.

So what is the purpose of doing this? What is the meaning of the time and energy I have put in over the years?

For three years, I have been working hard every moment and working hard, but my life has almost no change from three years ago. I eat the same food as I did three years ago, wear clothes at the same price three years ago, and even use a laptop, or the one I left school three years ago. The distance between us has not narrowed even a little bit, you are still the dazzling person on the stage, or I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know how much I like you.

So why am I doing these?

The more I think about it, the more meaningless I feel. In the past three or even nine years, everything I have done is to be with you, but now it seems that nothing is meaningful.

I even think I am not as good as Ernian. At least he dares to run naked at Tara's concert, but I don't dare to say to you that I like you even if I am close to you.

I am a cowardly coward. I am afraid of being rejected by you and being afraid of losing even the right to imagine. I even began to question whether my feelings for you are real, whether I really like you, or because I am conceited and don’t want to admit failure.

I deny myself every day, and this emotion forces me to collapse.

I know I have to escape from this place and I want to leave here as soon as possible. I don’t want to stay on this grassland anymore, nor do I want to see at least a dozen sandstorms a month this season every year.

This is not the life I want.

No matter what, I have to try it. I want to give myself an explanation, and I must tell you that on this planet, there is someone who has been silently loving you for a long time.

No one loves you more than him.

—————

The extra "Birthday" has finally been written, three years and three articles. You can look forward and read them again, and maybe you will feel differently.

Extra is actually an attempt by me. I like to try all kinds of strange ways to write things, but after all, the main text is a story that requires completeness, and what I want to express often requires flashbacks. So I thought of this method, writing an extra is to make the characters fuller.

If you don’t read the main text, you are actually quite stupid, but if you follow all the book friends today, you will definitely understand that every article wants to express is mysterious. Three years, three birthdays, and every birthday, Liu Yi’s ideas have changed, from the impulse and willfulness at the beginning, to rational reality, and then to the self-denial later, he is actually constantly maturing.

If he hadn't matured, he wouldn't have noticed the problems with what he was doing. He realized it, but did not want to admit it, so our protagonist in 2017 was created.

Overall, all his traits I want to express are expressed. He is a stubborn, conceited, smart, persistent, unyielding, unyielding, and unwilling to admit his mistakes. These are his advantages, but they are also his shortcomings. If he does not have these advantages and disadvantages, he will not be able to succeed. It is precisely because of these advantages and disadvantages that he missed a lot and his feelings became a mess.

What kind of person is Liu Yi? If I asked him to answer, he is actually a fool, so stupid that he doesn't realize how stupid he is.

I hope our smart Shun Kyuxi can teach him more.

Good night! Next week is a new episode, with the name to be determined and the length is longer.

Last sentence, please collect the monthly ticket recommendation tickets and collect them. Click to comment and join the group...

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Chapter completed!