Tears spread out bit by bit, blurring their vision and burning their eyelids. The city outside the window gradually evolved into a familiar scene in London, the streets, the rivers, and the buildings interlaced into black and white chessboards, and finally transformed into a colorless cage, imprisoning the wings of yearning for freedom.

Then, all emotions disappeared like this, without anger, loss, no regrets, no miscellaneousness, just simply feeling sad.

He was like a lost child. He stood at the intersection, looking up helplessly and blankly, not knowing how to ask for help or where to go. He seemed to be abandoned by the whole world, unable to find support or home, and couldn't help crying sadly.

He stubbornly gritted his teeth, refusing to let the voice leak out from the cracks of his teeth, and it was stuffed in his chest, but the sadness deep in his eyes was flashing among the crystal clear tears. The whole world was falling apart bit by bit. The dull cry burst out with a heart-wrenching pain and bitterness, which made people feel sad, trying to comfort him, but they didn't know what to do.

Philip slowly parked the car on the side of the road, quietly staring at Ren Li in the rear seat through the rearview mirror, allowing all the sadness to be released, as if he had taken off all the defense. Even Philip's nose couldn't help but feel a little sour, and his mind once again showed the night in his memory.

It was the winter of 1993. Lan Li was only four years old at that time. On a very ordinary night, there was no strong wind or heavy snow. It was just a drizzle drizzle. Just like countless London winter nights, everything was normal.

In the early morning, Philip inspected all the doors, windows and gas, prepared to finish his day's work, and returned to the bedroom to sleep, but found Lanley in the corridor on the second floor:

He left the room barefoot in pajamas and pajamas, squatted in the corner of the corridor, hugged his knees with his hands, buried his entire head between his knees, and sat quietly, as if he had merged into the rich night, and could hardly feel the presence.

"Master Lanley." Philip was a little surprised. Because nothing special happened that night, he could not imagine that Lanley would do such an abnormal action:

George stayed in the club because of social engagements and did not return; Elizabeth went to Manchester temporarily after dinner and would not return to the evening; Elve stayed in the school library to study and would not come back to the main house; Edith and Arthur both stayed in the school dormitory and did not go home.

As for Lanli, after dinner, he still read some books in the study. When he brought the tea and refreshments in, he simply communicated for a while. Lanli seemed to be flipping through medical books and asked him some questions. This is the whole situation, everything is normal.

But the accident happened like this.

When Philip called, Lanley did not look up. The low, muffled cry came from between her knees, echoing quietly in the corridor. She was not crying loudly or crying in the broken voice, but could feel the sadness from the heart in the broken sound.

Lan Li cried quietly for a long time, but Philip did not leave, and just waited quietly by the side.

The passage of time lost its meaning. I don’t know how long it took. Then Lanley’s tender voice came from between her knees with a strong nasal sound, saying a word he could not forget until now, “Phillip, is it the only one I am at the beginning?”

Philip is always different when dealing with Renli. He saw more things in this child, and he was different from the other three children in the Hall family. His eyes could not help but stay on Renli, curious about what would happen in the future, just like a child who cared for himself.

He knew that this was wrong. He was just a housekeeper, and it was just a job. He was closely related to the fate of the Hall family, but he also had to remain objective and independent and absolutely not cause too much entanglement, otherwise his job would be negligent. This is not the emotion that a professional housekeeper should have.

But it's still different after all.

After that, Philip never saw such a Lanli again, so lonely, so helpless, and so confused.

Until today.

Silently, heavy, Lan Li's voice came over in a hoarse and difficult manner, revealing his fragility for a moment, and then he asked the same question.

Just like twenty-one years ago.

He remembers, and he remembers.

Philip opened his mouth slightly, but couldn't make any sound. He looked at Ren Li through the rearview mirror, his eyes full of sadness and weakness, as if a ball of cotton was stuffed into his chest, so dull and uncomfortable that he wanted to vent but couldn't find the exit. He didn't know what to do.

Lanli raised her head and met Philip's gaze through the hazy tears, saying word by word, "Answer me." Lanli, who is always calm and self-conscious, is always smart and wise, is like a child who wants a lollipop, making a request unreasonable and then persisting stubbornly.

Lanli stared at Philip with sadness, the stubbornness and fragility in his eyes existed at the same time, but contradictions were constantly spinning in tears, "Answer me!"

But Philip had no way to speak, and all the words stuck in his throat, becoming clumsy than ever before.

He wanted to stay, but unfortunately, he couldn't.

George forced Philip to convince Renly. George was the Baron, the head of the Hall family, and Philip's boss. As the housekeeper, Philip did not have much room to resist. He could refuse and had the right to refuse, but the initiative was always firmly in George's hands.

It was like using Denise Stevens to clamp Edith.

Philip knew that George and the others would not give up. Even if he disagreed, George and the others could coerce Renli through different methods. The methods and methods may be different, but the results are the same unless Philip took the initiative to leave, otherwise he would always be Renli's weakness.

Philip also has his own persistence. He refuses to hurt his family for fame and fortune, he refuses to smear others for himself, he refuses to abandon dignity for survival, he refuses to forget pride for glory... Just like an ancient and rigid hereditary aristocrat, he insists on those stupid, useless, crazy, old, and absurd rules, and then withdraws from the stage of history in the natural law of survival of the fittest.

If "evolution" means giving up his persistence, then he would rather be eliminated than abandon his former self for the sake of "survival of the fittest".

Very stupid, right?

Philip knew that this was stupid, but he was willing to persevere. What's more, he was already an old guy with half of his body in the soil and would be eliminated sooner or later. So, it would be better to just stick to the last little bit of pride, at least when death comes, he can be worthy of his heart.

It’s like Lanli has Lanli’s insistence.

So, Philip chose to resign himself and bid farewell to his post that he had been holding on for the rest of his life, and chose to retire and return home. Perhaps, he was eliminated by the times in this way.

But... he could no longer protect Renli.

The idiot who chased his dream like a fool, the idiot who rushes forward and hits himself all over his body, the idiot who can sleep well and wins the whole world, the idiot who walks alone because he is afraid of hurt, the child who runs out barefoot on a rainy day and gets into a fever... He thought he would protect him to the end of his life, but now this promise cannot be fulfilled.

Twenty-one years ago, Philip replied, "Master Lanley, I'm here"; but twenty-one years later, Philip could no longer say this.

Lanli stared at Philip, but she didn't wait for a response, and then she broke her heart bit by bit. The anger slowly penetrated from the depths of her soul, and finally she could no longer remain calm.

"What do they want?"

"What else do they want?"

"I have never targeted them. I don't care. I don't care. They just need to... just let me be alone like before, that's fine! That's all my requirements! They can enjoy everything in London, and I don't care about all those things! Take them! Take them all! Just pretend that they don't exist and live like this. Isn't this what they are best at?"

"Why? Why do they always think about getting more and more frivolous? Why do they always think about having everything? All I long to have is just a little bit of freedom and warmth. Why do they still have to snatch it away? Why can't they let me go?"

"They hurt Arthur and Edith, they hurt Elve, but no one will blame them. Why? Because they gave us life, they can do whatever they want? Because they raised us with money, they can trade us as tools? Because they carried the titles of father and mother, they can manipulate our lives as they please without taking responsibility?"

"Why?"

"Why!"

"I can't even call their place of existence 'home', and then, they'll erase your existence! Why? Doesn't my existence have no weight? Does your life dedication have no meaning? Can't they even feel the warmth? Are they no longer heartless?"

"What are they insisting on, what are I insisting on? Who can tell me? Philip, answer me, God, I need you to answer me! I am tired, I am really tired, why are they always so greedy, why are their desires/desires never satisfied? Why do they always want to control the whole world? Why are their madness always invisible to end?"

"Why?"
Chapter completed!